I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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