The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
