The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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