I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
