dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just pee around me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
