i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
