Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
