Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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