I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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