so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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