you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
