tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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