i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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