; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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