I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
pray to the hookup gods
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize