Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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