Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
