I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
