Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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