Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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