Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
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Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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