May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
