I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is it because I queefed?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
