shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
