I puked a lego.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
