I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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