did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
