Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
