He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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