great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
