if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
