We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
