He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
