I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize