hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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