wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
