I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
