We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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