I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
