Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
