yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
