I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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