Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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