So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
