So drunk its hurt
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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