He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
