My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
