conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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