Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
