Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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