LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize