In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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