Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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