Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
