I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
