So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
