I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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