Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
