Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
