There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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