He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
