I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
