Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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