True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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