Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
