bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
