You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
