I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
