i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
