I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
