my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Randomize
