grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
