Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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